Desperation

"Chastity doesn't truly begin, until you wish it was over"

i'm feeling desperate! As it stands i've been denied 38 days. i hit my wall sometime around 30 days. It's going to be a long frustrating remainder of the year if my Wife does intend to deny my orgasms through the end of the year.

i can always safe word, that's why we have one! i'm not going to use it though. Just because i WANT to cum, doesn't mean i NEED to cum. i love this feeling! Desperation. Frustration. i'm on a constant sexual high. The way i feel, the way i act... it's all so different when you are denied. Those few seconds of orgasmic bliss have nothing on being on edge practically 24/7.

i wrote about being depressed over the summer. i can't help but think that if i had been denied then, if i would have felt the same way.

~Sierra

Chastity

My last post i had mentioned i was back in chastity, which i haven't been all summer.  i don't know what it is, but when the weather breaks in the spring the cage (for the past couple years) comes off.  i get so busy around the house and the cage just gets in the way. Not a great excuse, but She knows how hard i work and takes pity on me.

That changed about a month ago (31 days to be exact).  i had started dressing again (after i started coming out of my funk), and She told me She wanted me locked again.  Thing is i wasn't allowed a last orgasm before being locked.  So, i actually have no clue when the last time i came was.  All i know is it's been at least 31 days!  AND, she told me not to expect one before new years eve!  That will not only break my previous denial record (100 days), it'll crush it.

About 2 weeks ago, i decided to order a new base ring for the Jailbird.  i went one size smaller ring diameter (1-5/8") and i got a double base ring.  i think this is the Goldie Locks combination for me.  It no longer slips down when i attempt an erection, and the double ring makes it surprisingly comfortable.  i haven't been able to make it all the way through the night yet, but it's been MONTHS since i wore a cage at all, and i'm pretty sure the smaller ring is part of the reason too.  It's way more comfortable to wear during the day, but when erections begin, it makes it very difficult for them to go away. i'm sure i just need to get used to it... time will tell, and i'll have a lot of that the remainder of the year.

~Sierra

Depression

 Look, we all know the whole COVID pandemic (yes it's for real, no it's not going away after the election *facepalm*) sucks.  i have been mildly depressed ever since i was sent home from work way back in March.  i haven't missed any work, fortunately, but now that i'm working from home permanently, i literally never leave the house.  

i say depressed, but really it's not terrible. i understand depression is a serious thing, and there are a lot of people a lot worse off than me.  i try my best to turn negatives into positives! i actually really enjoy the whole working from home thing.  For the first two months it was great. i completely dressed as Sierra every day, and that is fantastic!  After those first couple months, is when i started feeling down.  i literally never leave the house. i really miss the social interaction. i started dressing less often, and i started getting grumpy. There were many days (weeks maybe) where i didn't even get out of my PJ's.  

It wasn't until about the middle of July when i really started talking about it with my Wife. She is a frontline working (hooray for Her!), so She has been leaving every day and gets to see people every day, even if behind a mask.  She told me i need to get out more, go do something not here.  Go for a motorcycle ride, go to the gun range, anything just get out of the house.  It helps, i am feeling better.  Fact of the matter is, this is the "new normal" and we all have to get used to it.

i have started dressing again!  i'm completely dressed as Sierra as i type this :)  i'm also once again locked in chastity, something we haven't done all summer.  More on that in the next post. i still get a little down sometimes, but not near as bad. Stay happy, stay healthy, and stay safe.  Depression sucks, COVID sucks, but there is always someone to talk and willing to help.

~Sierra

Back at it

Been forever since i've written anything.  i'll keep this one short.  Spent most of the summer not locked, but that changed about a month ago.  Mistress wanted to get kinky again and i was ready and willing! She locked the cage on, without even giving me one last orgasm, and told me i won't be cumming for the rest of the year.

Was She serious? Honestly i have no idea. If She is, it'll crush my previous chastity record of 100 days. Time will tell!

I plan on switching gears slightly with this blog and focusing more on my feelings like in a journal instead of events like in the past. Occasionally i may bring up notable events but mostly i want to refect on my feelings. Thanks Spank for the idea!

<3 Sierra